Welcome to my Blog
Valuable connections are made through the words & stories we choose to share.
I believe we are worth more than likes, hearts, shares and follows.
True community, fellowship and connection is built through stories, vulnerability and authenticity. This blog is my attempt to connect in some way with you.
I would love to make you laugh. I will try to make you think. I hope to make you feel less alone.
Most Recent Essays
DING! The muffled voice of the captain came on overhead and I quickly opened my eyes. “We’ve been advised of some wind-shear on the ground so we need to go back up and try this landing again.” Oh boy.
“I think I can make that work”, I confidently said into the phone. This is what grown ups say when they are having grown up conversations about grown up jobs right?
Nowadays, all it takes is a facebook account for you to feel like your birthday has now become a national day of celebration!
I panicked and hung up the phone before saying anything. As I backed the car out of the space and began my drive to work, my mind raced, “can you get in trouble for accidentally calling 911? I thought I had heard that somewhere….”
Why couldn't I come up with something? Was I repressing some sort of trauma? Did I experience a brain injury that I can't remember because, hello...brain injury! Do I have some sort of amnesia?
I started wracking my brain wondering if I had done something or said something that would make them all hate me. I mean, that was obviously what was happening…what other reason could there be for them to purposely leave me out? My throat tightened as it became more obvious that they didn’t want me to go with them.
Saving people the time and energy of taking the cart back was such a simple thing to do and I relished every opportunity to be some poor grocery shoppers knight in shining armor at the exact right time.
And I will give her that, I do. I live a very mom type of life. I’m in a lot of communities where almost everyone is a mom. I’m married. I’m in my 40’s. I go to church regularly. And I am a step-mom. Sort of like an “imitation mom”. Looks like, acts like and seems like the real thing, but when you get down to it, it’s really a shadow, a hologram, a whisper of the authentic. An imitation.
The fact that God was intimately involved in orchestrating the minutia of my life to bring me to those hills, where he would reveal himself through introspection and environment, is a stunningly beautiful sign of what a loving and caring God he is.
As I’ve been feeling aimless, I have realized it’s because I’ve been feeling like I've reached a sort of edge in my life, when in reality, I'm no where near the edge. It’s less of an edge and more of a very sharp corner that I can’t see around.
So as I think about what my best selling book would be about, there is just no way I could focus it on one subject. I'm way too much of a generalist for that.
I had been swimming since I was a kid and running, well that's just walking faster so I'm sure I could figure that out. But I was well past the age when people normally learn to ride a bike so I was going to have to figure this out.
Fleetingly, I felt the disappointment.
That’s it for me. I’m done right? I’m officially old and uncool and there’s nothing left for me. I might as well just pack it up and start making funeral arrangements.
Right?
I was stuck in the mindset that if I personally wanted to do one thing, then God probably wanted me to do the other thing.
I run a business, but I don't run a production company. As more and more people fully embrace basically hosting their own reality TV shows through their Instagram page, where does that leave everyone else?
But at the center of our world and theirs, humans were there feeling joy, sadness, anger, frustration, and hope.
My days were spent learning about sentence structure and dividing decimal points while my nights were spent slaving over a hot stove, mixing up dough, adding a few drops of food coloring and packing up my bags of green, blue and red cookies for sale.
The facilitator caught my eye and gave me a nod, and that was the final push that got me out of my seat and up to the microphone. THE MICROPHONE for goodness sakes.
So many questions, no good answers. But the words have been welling up inside of her and they need to come out. So despite the questions and the worry, she knew she had to go.
…and most importantly: focusing on being my authentic self without apologizing while at the exact same time making sure I don't say anything remotely "problematic" that might get me cancelled.
Everything within me is screaming, write! Get out all those thoughts in your head. Explore your ideas, challenge them with research, craft sentences you are proud of…write something that others can connect with.
Writing feels to me like one of the most vulnerable things you can ever do. It’s like sharing your deepest thoughts on a giant billboard for everyone to see. Maybe it’s a friend walking by, maybe its a complete stranger, but either way you don’t have control over who sees it and you can’t explain things to them if they misunderstand or disagree with what you are trying to say.
Blog Series
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This is Me
Answering 1001 questions about myself
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Monthly Updates
Recap of life, month by month
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Dear Cinnamon
A weekly advice column
Badges, confetti and streaks oh my!